There's a bunch of ridiculousness going on in the world of Early Childhood Education in NYC.
The EarlyLearn program is meant to take the place of HeadStart and Child Care. Some of the ideas make sense to me, such as putting three teachers in all classrooms and providing quality care for the youngest children. However, there are things that do not make sense to me. The three year contracts, the lack of a union, the "takeover" type atmosphere, the loss of slots, slot number based on zip codes.

Childcare is a community based business. We teach and care for extended families over generations and we make efforts to know the communities we care for. It is not now, nor has it ever been, a money-making industry. It is an investment in the future.

Sites that are doing a good job should be LEFT ALONE to do what they're doing. If there's a site that is not providing quality care, that's another story.

My site has been bid for by another agency, one that never bothered to come visit us (as dictated by protocol, from my understanding) and one that has never held an ACS contract before (again, from my understanding although I have not been able to get clear info on that.)

We were a few months away from getting out NAEYC certification. NAEYC sites are the best of the best and we are one of them. We've been in the community for about 40 years and we have a good reputation. EarlyLearn is poised to throw all of that out and disrupt everything for the children, communities and providers.

Read the articles. Google EarlyLearn NYC for more info. Think about what it means. Please help us defeat EarlyLearn.

thank you.

http://www.cccnewyork.org/

http://nynp.biz/index.php/this-months-feature/10542-upheaval-budget-cuts-a-new-contracts-for-ost-a-earlylearn
http://nynp.biz/index.php/breaking-news/10493-ost-aearlylearn-rfps-make-bad-budgets-seem-worse

Until further notice, 99% of this journal is FRIENDS ONLY.

Until then, new folks can leave a comment and I'll consider adding you. Please understand it's not about you, it's about me & my need to keep certain things private.
big love,

- miss j.

So this might be TMI for some of you, but I think it's important.

About 2 weeks ago, my partner noticed a discoloration on my right boob. I started poking around and felt a hard almond shaped lump. I went to see my doctor who was concerned enough about it to refer me for a mammogram and a sonogram. I normally have some lumpy tissue on both sides due to my immense coffee intake but this was different. I don't do BSEs all the time but I do them often enough to know what's normal for me & this was not normal.

I spend the next 2 weeks trying to not freak out.

This morning, I had both tests.

You're not supposed to apply deodorant, anti-perspirant or powder so I didn't. I was sweating so much by the time I got to the place I thought I was going to have to change my shirt.

The mammogram involved having a technician put a sensor on where I felt the lump and then sticking my boob into a machine that squashes it flat. Ow. Oddly, it was the left side that hurt more. They do each one twice, once for a top view and one for a side view. I got a look at the screen - nothing scary looking. WHEW.

The sonogram involved having a technician put a RIDICULOUS amount of clear jelly on my boob and running what looked like a price scanner over it. I didn't get a look at what the sonogram looked like bc of the side it was on. She said it looked fine. WHEW. The nice thing about the RIDICULOUS amount of jelly was that it was relatively easy to wipe off and did not leave any residue.

I sent a text to my partner and another one to my best friend to tell them that my boobs seem fine.

I called my mother to tell her the same - she is not text-message adept.

I won't have the official results for about 2 weeks, but everything looks okay.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I want those of you with boobs to be aware of what's normal for you and to go check it out if it's not normal.

I also want those of you who have partners with boobs to encourage them to know what's normal for them and to go check it out if it's not normal. & if you notice something different about your partner's boobs, ask them about it. You probably pay more attention to their boobs than they do, so you're probably going to notice anything different first.

So yeah. I think I'm okay. Now go make sure you're okay/your partners are okay.

also, thanks for the continued positive thoughts, whether you knew they were for my boobs or not.

<3

hi.

feeling a little overly exposed, removed some folks that I don't really interact with.
pls don't take it personally - I still wish you the best.

On November 12, bob would have been 39 years old.



If you knew bobz0r, please post a link to a song for him and/or give me a memory of him.
If you didn't, tell me about someone you love (gone or not) and give me a song for them.


Snoop Dogg & Willie Nelson - My Medicine - bob would have LOVED this. Wille *&* Snoop? seriously.



Doc Watson - Shady Grove - bob had a banjo which he said he played badly. He actually played quite well. This song reminds me of the first time I heard him play. (also, he had this as my ringtone on his phone.)


and bc he was a new wave cowboy, Echo & The Bunnymen - Seven Seas


Let's Active - In Little Ways - more new wave action, also something we geeked out about pretty hardcore.


Bright Eyes - This is the first day of my life - "Now I don’t know where I am, I don’t know where I’ve been, But I know where I want to go..." I can finally listen to this song again.

Bluebird
Charles Bukowski

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

Inventory
Dorothy Parker

Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

On Friday we had staff training. It was fairly useless except that it put some things into perspective for me.

1 - The mommy of My Would Be Daughter (last year's posse) teaches upstairs & we never really get a chance to talk. I ran into her outside the training & she told me that she tells everyone upstairs how much I rock bc I was able to deal with the posse last year. This makes me freel pretty damn good bc I know she knows what she's talking about. I must be doing something right. She also told me to ignore all the stupid work drama - I'm better than that & ppl are just jealous. I'm going to try to take that to heart.

2 - In the afternoon we all ended up in a workshop on Depression & Grieving. Great. I love to cry in front of coworkers. I actually managed to hold it together for the most part. At one point one of the other teachers was saying she doesn't understand why her friend is still complaining about a loss she had, shouldn't this person be over it, on & on & on. I didn't want to say anything for fear that I'd lose it, but I couldn't let it go. My voice shaking but loud & clear I told a room full of people that my partner died almost 2 year ago & you don't get to grieve for the first year bc the first year is about survival. You don't get to deal with your emotions bc you just have to use everything you've got to keep from falling down in the street. Survival mode looks like you're dealing with it but you're not. You're just doing what you have to do to keep from laying down & dying yourself. Later I got a lot of hugs from staff who told me I was brave to say it.

But I realised something. I've downgraded from survival mode. I'm beginning to do things other than just get by. I've met some new ppl, I've started making stuff again, I've caught glimpses of muses and possibilities. I've felt the fluttering - the wingbeats were back in full force the other night and I take that as a very good sign. I don't know what it means but I'm glad to have felt it again.

-----

Interesting how I find myself considering possibilities never before considered. Was having a conversation w blackavar on AIM about things I am open to - "i'm open to seeing where anything goes, given the right circumstances. if something becomes a problem for me, then i re-evaluate."

You'll remember how I tore up my rulebook when I met bob. Seems like I've not been re-issued a new one. I'm okay with that.